Even if you are committed to changing your drinking, "social pressure" to drink from friends or others can make it hard to cut back or quit. A recognize-avoid-cope approach, commonly used in cognitive-behavioral therapy, helps people to change unhelpful thinking patterns and reactions.
The first step is to become aware of the two different types of social pressure to drink alcohol—direct and indirect.
For some situations, your best strategy may be avoiding them altogether. If you feel guilty about avoiding an event or turning down an invitation, remind yourself that you are not necessarily talking about "forever." When you have confidence in your resistance skills, you may decide to ease gradually into situations you now choose to avoid. In the meantime, you can stay connected with friends by suggesting alternate activities that don't involve drinking.
When you know alcohol will be served, it's important to have some resistance strategies lined up in advance. If you expect to be offered a drink, you'll need to be ready to deliver a convincing "no thanks." Your goal is to be clear and firm, yet friendly and respectful. Avoid long explanations and vague excuses, as they tend to prolong the discussion and provide more of an opportunity to give in. Here are some other points to keep in mind:
The person offering you a drink may not know you are trying to cut down or stop, and his or her level of insistence may vary. It's a good idea to plan a series of responses in case the person persists, from a simple refusal to a more assertive reply. Consider a sequence like this:
You can also try the "broken record" strategy. Each time the person makes a statement, you can simply repeat the same short, clear response. You might want to acknowledge some part of the person's points ("I hear you...") and then go back to your broken-record reply ("...but no thanks"). And if words fail, you can walk away.
Many people are surprised at how hard it can be to say no the first few times. You can build confidence by scripting and practicing your lines. First imagine the situation and the person who's offering the drink. Then write both what the person will say and how you'll respond, whether it's a broken record strategy (mentioned above) or your own unique approach. The person may not take “no” for an answer the first few times, so write a series of firm responses in which you stay in control of the situation and resist the pressure to drink. Keep them short, clear and simple.
Rehearse it aloud to get comfortable with your phrasing and delivery. Also, consider asking a supportive person to role-play with you, someone who would offer realistic pressure to drink and honest feedback about your responses. Whether you practice through made-up or real-world experiences, you'll learn as you go. Keep at it, and your skills will grow over time.
In addition to being prepared with your "no thanks," consider these strategies:
If you have successfully refused drink offers before, then recall what worked and build on it.
How you think about any decision to change can affect your success. Many people who decide to cut back or quit drinking think, "I am not allowed to drink," as if an external authority were imposing rules on them. Thoughts like this can breed resentment and make it easier to give in. It's important to challenge this kind of thinking by telling yourself that you are in charge, that you know how you want your life to be, and that you have decided to make a change.
Similarly, you may worry about how others will react or view you if you make a change. Again, challenge these thoughts by remembering that it's your life and your choice, and that your decision should be respected. Click here for more information to help you determine if you should cut down or quit.
If you haven’t made progress in cutting down after two or three months or, at any point feel you need more help, consider seeking additional support.